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Words, wise and otherwise

Trying to pay attention more. Remembering that I do not have most of the answers. Or that when I make a pronouncement, that is not the be all and end all. It’s only my piece of the story.

Remembering that it all turns out all right in the end. And if it’s not all right, then it isn’t the end. (One of those pronouncements I wish I’d made, but alas, and probably not originally, it’s from “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”).

A Calling

My word for 2012 when I picked one (choosing amongst plenty is so very difficult for me) was FOCUS. And upon reflecting today, I realized that while I am distracted by an endless list of interests, I have managed to pull some focus. What helped was moving away from the Cape to New Bedford for not even a year (!) and learning that I missed my family and the community I have created here. Terribly. And that it’s also okay to miss Vermont after 15 years, but that Hyannis is now my home, for better or worse, and I am ready to commit.

Having a house with a bit of land certainly helps with the commitment factor, but I returned here with no thought of ever owning again, and I was fine with that. Then a well-loved house down the street from my Dad’s (Home has been a vision I’ve held in my heart for close to the 15 years I’ve been back here) manifested. I am fortunate to have a generous father. He’s a quiet, simple living, traditional and conservative sort of guy, but he is so good to my sisters and me. And if that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.

The folks I sold my Vermont home to sold it this past year (I dreamed about buying it back) and that probably helped me move forward too. And there is a vibrant community here on the Cape, I had just dropped out of it for several years. Got tired of working at it, the ups and downs, slips and slides, big fish in a small pond syndrome, cliques, and all that. But not anymore. Belonging, to myself, to a community, to the landscape, is WORK. And it is my Work. I thought my word for this year was going to be HOME, but after writing this I am not so sure. My word for 2013 may be WORK. It is a good 4 letter word.

DSLR

For the longest time I wanted a DSLR like “everyone else” had, so I finally bought a brand spankin’ new Nikon D60 last June. Funny thing is, while I’ve used it a bit, I don’t use it as much as I thought I would. I am a bag lady who never goes anywhere without a notebook and pen, something to read and something to knit. I am apt to forget my purse, which I’ve managed to trim down to the smallest medium-est Baggalini, but I rarely leave without a notebook. Or my mug of tea, for that matter. Unlike my camera.

The journey to my camera started with a tiny seed of desire back when Superhero first got hers. It waxed and waned for years until I just finally went for it. And quite frankly, like much of what we think we really want, it was rather — anticlimactic.

I mean, yes, I felt cool, walking around with my professional looking camera (it’s really not, well yes it is, professional looking, but it’s easy to use, trust me). It takes great pictures — yes, IT takes great pictures. Me, I just snap away. Because as has been said, the only good camera is the one you use. It’s not really about the camera.

And I’m not really interested in learning to use the DSLR. I’ve never been very good with too many choices — they overwhelm me. And everything moves so fast these days, especially our lives. I can’t keep up. I try to cram everything in fast, just in case I miss something. Crazy thing is, I’m always gonna miss something. That’s life. And do I care about ev-er-y – lit-tle – thing – I’m – go-ing – to – miss? Truthfully? In the grand scheme of my life, yes and no. But, that’s life and it’s another post (that maybe someone else can write?). Personally, I want to get over the things I feel I’ve missed and move on. Beyond stuck. So, for me it means letting go of anything extra that doesn’t serve who I am and who I want to be. I’ve been hauling vintage sewing notions, craft supplies, clothing, housewares and more off to the swap shop, but some things I have to just plain sell, my camera being one of them.

┬áIf you’re in the market for a barely used, like new Nikon D60 totally set to go (including a case, the Tamrac Express Bag 6 in Black)), have I got a deal for you (without giving an exact quote it’s well under $500 and a bit over $400). So email me at michelleshopped at gmail dot com if you’re interested. Because I’m trying to follow rule number one of Gretchen’s Happiness Project and that rule is be yourself — Be Patricia (makes sense that it would be the first step to being happy). So, first up in eliminating what isn’t Patricia is the camera (plus I could use the money). Because my way of connecting and seeing people is through language rather than a lens. Because I’m Patricia. At my new job the other day, I said to my boss, “for me, it’s really not about the job, it’s about the people.” (Translated to mean, it’s really not about the camera or the clothes or the house or the…it’s about the people. Something else I’ve learned about myself).