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My Love of Almost 17 Years

When my ex- moved out, I got this little guy a month later. Almost 17 years together, longer than my marriage. He died Thursday night and I am ripped apart. My heart is broken. The thing about a dog is the unconditional love — they’re always happy to see you more than any other friend you’ve got. I will mourn this little guy for a long time.

Done Differently — Things I Wish I’d

There are things I wish I’d done differently with them, but overall, I did the best I could as a single parent with two very bright (and strong-willed) children. The times I regret are the times I listened to others’ wisdom rather than my own. But I want to look ahead and not continue to beat myself up over the mistakes I made.

There were plenty I didn’t make — like my decision to stay home with my son rather than pursue a career.

Shifting Gears

Uphill, downhill, do you shift up or down? I never really knew so asked Marty today (it probably wasn’t the first time and won’t be the last). Tried it like he told me and it worked (meaning the chain didn’t fall off as in times past). Kind of like life, aye? Sometimes you gotta ask when you don’t know and sometimes you gotta just try. Oh yeah, and ride.

March 1

Style Statement — Julie Arkell — Evelien Berger — hm graham crax — jam and jerusalem — creating a life worth living — few eggs and no oranges — 1920’s and 1930’s

Haiti


Listened to Vance Gilbert on WUMB yesterday while driving to get my daughter. He’s doing a show at Club Passim tomorrow night, January 16, 2010. All the proceeds from sales of his CDs at the show will be donated to Partners In Health. When we feel helpless, (or self-absorbed, embarrassed, blessed) sometimes all we got is music.

2010

Haven’t thought of a word for 2010 yet, don’t know if I will (I love language and would have a tough time choosing just one).

I have done up a website for the retreat though — it’s still a work in progress There’s certain glitches I’ve hit (losing original content and so on when I make changes) but that’s all part of my [steep] learning curve. Squarespace is right on with the support and on a holiday, for goddess’s sake. I cannot speak highly enough of their service.

Overall, this ultra-fussy Virgo (6 planets in Virgo!) is totally digging Squarespace. I like my tea just so, the lighting just so, my shoes have to be just right, my pillow just right (Goldilocks had to have been a Virgo), and so on. So, to say Squarespace rocks the big house is an understatement. It’s only day 2 of my trial subscription, but I do believe I’m sold, sista!

‘Til Tuesday


Today ended up being a good day after all — yesterday was not — it was just one of those days I was feeling stuck and discouraged. I think talking to my sis-in-law this morning helped a lot. Stay tuned for her blog. She’s a professional organizer but with a twist.

And my sister dropped by some surprise peanut butter cookies along with tonight’s supper. I did some grunt work I needed to get done and here I am, Tuesday afternoon, back from a walk downtown, ready to start fresh tomorrow, and looking forward to tonight’s movie, the original Ladykillers, with Alec Guiness and Peter Sellers. I fell asleep last night!

But before I sign off for today, head on over to Stef’s blog for her giveaway. I love her work and am looking forward to buying some of her photos someday — I saw them at Squam on the blocks she mounts them on and they are awesome!

**image from Movie Diva

One…Summer


“I had one too,” she whispered to me.

I felt less alone. She already had four, I had two, the baby a handful at barely one. Rough, drinking husbands.

“I felt so guilty, I confessed,” she said.

“I still feel guilty, what did the priest say?”

“He gave me Hail Mary’s and said never to do it again.”

“It’s still too painful for me to risk confession.”

Both of us, Catholics.

“I feel like a monster, and can’t forgive myself. I was about 10 weeks. You?”

“About the same. I still feel horrible.”

“I know.”

“I cry on my way home from work every night. I think about it all the time.”

We knew we would never do it again. Once was one more than we ever thought we could.

**photo Life Magazine cover, 1965 and reprinted Summer 1990

This entry was posted on September 3, 2009, in life.

What if…?


A woman I loved once said “ifs don’t count.”

But, what if…we were all born with our expiration date tattooed on our butts? How would we live? How would we live in relationship to each other? Would we use more care, pay more attention? Would that date imprison us or set us free?