Dear Betsy,<\/p>\n
I was too embarrassed to tell you why I was backing off from going to Squam with you. I said I was feeling ambivalent and I was uncertain about whether or not I would go right up until the Friday before, and that was partly true. But the whole truth is, I can’t handle curve balls.<\/p>\n
I had a certain idea of my Squam<\/a> overnight in mind — my plan was to drive Molly’s car, stay here<\/a> (it was a dream and the Liepers are the best and an inspiration, in their 80’s for Goddess’ sake), catch up with Thea<\/a> at 5 for my photo shoot (didn’t happen, me after 6 hours on the road, her after several days at Squam — it was just too much), skip into an art gallery<\/a> before supper at the Corner House, catch the art show, and head home Sunday.<\/p>\n So I did go, but with Marty instead. With Marty I can do things my way and I don’t have to explain myself (too much). He loves me anyway — unconditionally, with all my quirks. I can be totally comfortable in my skin.<\/p>\n With my family, I always seem to lapse into explanations about my feelings which start feeling like excuses, paranoia, my phobias. So I am neurotic. I become self-conscious. Stumbling over my words and what I want to say. For fear of judgment.<\/p>\n The first curve was taking Vincent’s car, then it was staying at Lynn’s condo nearby, then it was Lynn might be going to her condo for the weekend too — I couldn’t handle it. I just wanted my little overnight my way, a way I was comfortable with.<\/p>\n I needed to stick with my original plan — I get overwhelmed and nervous otherwise. I wanted Squam to feel special, the little piece I experienced of it, and it was. I would have liked to have shared it with you as I know you would have been blown away, but this year it wasn’t going to happen.<\/p>\n When I was planning your 40th birthday party, Jacqueline was throwing me curves too. When I called Joyce to discuss the curves, she said, “Keep it simple, stick with the plan, Stan.” She was so right. I try to remember that advice when I feel myself uncertain (curve balls do that to me). So, I decided to stick with the plan, if I went. But I couldn’t tell you my feelings, my discomfort with the curve balls. I was sorry and didn’t want things to be all awkward between us as they sometimes can be. It’s our family way sometimes, huh?<\/p>\n But I want things to be all right between us and for you to understand.<\/p>\n “I yam who I yam.” Love from your big sis, Dear Betsy, I was too embarrassed to tell you why I was backing off from going to Squam with you. I said I was feeling ambivalent and I was uncertain about whether or not I would go right up until the Friday before, and that was partly true. But the whole truth is, I can’t … Continue reading “To My Sister”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[631],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-494","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-art"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/494","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=494"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/494\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=494"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=494"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artfoodsoul.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=494"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
–Langston Hughes<\/p>\n
P<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"