What I been doin’ lately — for real — in a jam kitchen that’s been around since the early 1900’s — a magical place on the edge of a wildlife and nature preserve — yeah! I be jammin’ — how good can life get? Oh yeah, try working in a flower shop up the road, too — with a great couple — yeah, that’s how good life can get…jammin’ — oh yeah, I hope ya like jammin’ too…
Yes, Sandy’s little boy. I’m captivated with Lou. Ever since I saw them on the cover of People Magazine a few weeks ago. She’s one of the few celebs I “like” in the way one can like someone they don’t really know.
Even got a torn up copy of People from my hairdresser after she’d looked at it — I have it on my porch and every time I look at the cover I smile. Couldn’t get the picture out of my head — so much so, that I even had a dream —
I was babysitting the little guy, and was hanging out in my son’s basement with him
(the babe, not my son; my son doesn’t really have a basement). In the dream, I was spying on my son because I was afraid he was addicted to drugs (he’s not, I don’t even think he has ever done them, I could be wrong, people change, but let’s just say I know my boy. Drink yes. Smoke cigs yes. Drugs? Highly unlikely.).
So there I was hanging out in the basement spying on my son and Louie’s diaper needed a change but I’d forgotten to bring diapers. So what did I do? Turned the one he was wearing inside out — even though it was sopping wet, I figured it was better than nothing. You know how it goes in Dreamland.
For the longest time I wanted a DSLR like “everyone else” had, so I finally bought a brand spankin’ new Nikon D60 last June. Funny thing is, while I’ve used it a bit, I don’t use it as much as I thought I would. I am a bag lady who never goes anywhere without a notebook and pen, something to read and something to knit. I am apt to forget my purse, which I’ve managed to trim down to the
smallest medium-est Baggalini, but I rarely leave without a notebook. Or my mug of tea, for that matter. Unlike my camera.
The journey to my camera started with a tiny seed of desire back when Superhero first got hers. It waxed and waned for years until I just finally went for it. And quite frankly, like much of what we think we really want, it was rather — anticlimactic.
I mean, yes, I felt cool, walking around with my professional looking camera (it’s really not, well yes it is, professional looking, but it’s easy to use, trust me). It takes great pictures — yes, IT takes great pictures. Me, I just snap away. Because as has been said, the only good camera is the one you use. It’s not really about the camera.
And I’m not really interested in learning to use the DSLR. I’ve never been very good with too many choices — they overwhelm me. And everything moves so fast these days, especially our lives. I can’t keep up. I try to cram everything in fast, just in case I miss something. Crazy thing is, I’m always gonna miss something. That’s life. And do I care about ev-er-y – lit-tle – thing – I’m – go-ing – to – miss? Truthfully? In the grand scheme of my life, yes and no. But, that’s life and it’s another post (that maybe someone else can write?). Personally, I want to get over the things I feel I’ve missed and move on. Beyond stuck. So, for me it means letting go of anything extra that doesn’t serve who I am and who I want to be. I’ve been hauling vintage sewing notions, craft supplies, clothing, housewares and more off to the swap shop, but some things I have to just plain sell, my camera being one of them.
If you’re in the market for a barely used, like new Nikon D60 totally set to go (including a case, the Tamrac Express Bag 6 in Black)), have I got a deal for you (without giving an exact quote it’s well under $500 and a bit over $400). So email me at michelleshopped at gmail dot com if you’re interested. Because I’m trying to follow rule number one of Gretchen’s Happiness Project and that rule is be yourself — Be Patricia (makes sense that it would be the first step to being happy). So, first up in eliminating what isn’t Patricia is the camera (plus I could use the money). Because my way of connecting and seeing people is through language rather than a lens. Because I’m Patricia. At my new job the other day, I said to my boss, “for me, it’s really not about the job, it’s about the people.” (Translated to mean, it’s really not about the camera or the clothes or the house or the…it’s about the people. Something else I’ve learned about myself).
There are things I wish I’d done differently with them, but overall, I did the best I could as a single parent with two very bright (and strong-willed) children. The times I regret are the times I listened to others’ wisdom rather than my own. But I want to look ahead and not continue to beat myself up over the mistakes I made.
There were plenty I didn’t make — like my decision to stay home with my son rather than pursue a career.
It’s not a path that’s new to me, it is the one I eventually return to when I’ve had enough. Enough of my dark night of the soul.
May — a new month, the month of Mary, of mothers, of flowers, Beltaine, soft blooms, and new beginnings all staggered according to genus and species. Mine will be staggered according to mood, inspiration and whimsy. Just finished the book The Happiness Project, and I gotta say, I liked it. It got me thinking. About changing my attitude. Which can be slow going when past demons start licking like tiny flames at past hurts that still aren’t resolved. There’s a saying, sh!t or get off the pot. I’ve been in this spot before (the stuck spot), and I’ve turned it around. It really does work. Changing my attitude I mean. And it does seem to change my life — open up more doors, more possibilities. I’m all for my woo woo therapies, and what have you, but sometimes I just need a good (and swift) kick in the arse.Sometimes tenderness and tolerance, time and so on are in order. But enough is enough. It’s time to start my own happiness project. And honor divine inspiration when it hits me. And it does hit.
**photo of bicycle in Thatcher Lane, Yarmouthport courtesy of my writer gal pal Diane…